You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
