Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
In America we eat man semen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
