I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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