WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
