I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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