I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he thought i was a dude.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
