I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
