my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
