I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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