I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
