Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
