I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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