fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my being single is dangerous.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
