Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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