Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
