I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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