Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
