Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
