hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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