The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
