i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
