I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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