I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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