I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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