And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
