Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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