what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
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Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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