Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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