I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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