Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
