Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
