I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
