there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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