I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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