I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
