her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
