She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
