Sry I called you an 8
Sober January is a disaster.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
