did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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