I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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