I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
