he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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