I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
