I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
