He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
