i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
