Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
did you just send me my own nude
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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