Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
