All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
