I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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