if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize