I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
