Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
