if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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