R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
