Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
