i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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