It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
