when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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