Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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