I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize