I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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