i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
