I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
